If you were a fan of Men Behaving Badly in the ’90s you may remember the line, “When You Have A Jar Full of Cookies, Where’s The Fun in Cookies?”
It is from an episode where Gary (Martin Clunes) and Dorothy (Caroline Quentin) move in together. At the outset, they are really excited about the prospect; as young couples in the early flush of romance tend to be. But soon the novelty wears off and each other’s habits turn to annoyances, which moves Gary to utter the above remark.
His point is, when you have a lot of something, the novelty of scarcity is lost. Or, to put it another way, familiarity breeds contempt.
Retirement Can Be The Full Cookie Jar
Retirement can be like this. For years people long for the phase of their lives that brings the freedom and flexibility to do what they want, when they want. The lie-ins, the days doing nothing in particular. Or spending their time on the activity that working life prevented.
Until they get there and suddenly have a lot of time to fill. They have a metaphorical jar full of cookies which don’t seem quite as appealing as they once did.
A retired judge I know said that the first winter and second year were the worst. Having retired in the summer, after 50 years in the law the warm days spent in the garden were a time of relaxation pursuing his passion. Then came the interminable, wet, cold and grey UK winter where he couldn’t get into the garden. Soon, the worst aspects of work were forgotten but the enjoyable bits; the friends, the camaraderie, the purpose and fulfilment lingered in his memory.
It also brings to mind the brother of someone I was discussing the thought of retirement with. Her brother, a GP, was forced into retirement sooner than he was ready. He quickly went from having a love of golf and a healthy interest in wine to having no interest in golf and an unhealthy interest in wine.
Another risk of retirement with an empty calendar is the mental effects of not having anything to focus on; as nature abhors a vacuum and soon finds ways to fill them, the mind can soon become occupied with negative thoughts if there is nothing else to think about.
Successful Retirement
Naturally, not everyone who retires struggles, though many do. In my experience those that do retire successfully share common characteristics. They:
- Have a purpose or source of fulfilment,
- They are healthy and active,
- They are in a loving relationship (with time spent together AND apart to do their own thing),
- They have the peace of mind that comes with knowing they are financially secure.
Retirement can and should be a rewarding and pleasurable phase of your life but it takes planning for and a bit of structure to avoid feeling like you have a jar of cookies you just don’t fancy.
